Dealbreakers

On one of my walks through downtown last week, I noticed a higher than usual number of dogs in strollers (something I’d never seen until I moved here, and which I find, frankly, ridiculous—if the dog can’t walk, let it stay home and rest, for the love of God).

“If you have a stroller for your dog, I’m afraid we can’t be friends”, I thought.

I entertained myself for a while with what I considered amusing dealbreakers: if you’re in a fitness cult; if you wear five-inch heels with your shorts; if you don’t read. (Yes, my thought process is often an illustration of why many people prefer to listen to music or a podcast or chat on the phone while walking).

After I’d had my fun, my thoughts took a more serious turn (they tend to do that more often than I’d like, especially these days), and I started wondering what my real dealbreakers are.

If you…

…just assume everyone has the same biases you’re broadcasting

…are unkind, especially to those you hold power over

…don’t like dogs, or children (including teenagers)

…believe you have all the answers

…think being single is a problem

…are ungenerous

…still act like a middle-school queen bee

…don’t know what boundaries are

…love playing the victim

…are a misogynist (internal or otherwise)

…can’t communicate honestly and respectfully

…don’t have a sense of humor

...care more about things than people

…aren’t open to new ideas or other points of view

…place your self-interest above the well-being of the collective

…voted for the current administration, for any reason

…have even a tiny bit of positive regard for the incel who bought the presidency and is trying to ruin our

country

…think what’s happening in Gaza is anything other than a genocide

then I know we can’t be friends.

Until now, I’ve always tried to remain neutral; to make myself palatable. To avoid the “impoliteness” of talking about politics. But as I’ve stated before, our current situation is not a matter of politics, it’s a matter of humanity and decency. And while the times we’re living through make it scarier than ever to take a stand, I believe that is precisely why it’s so important. How else will we find our community? How else will we be able to live with ourselves if we don’t uphold our values? I’m disgusted, but I’m not yet discouraged. I’m not ready to abdicate to the lowest common denominator.

Perhaps if I were more evolved, I’d turn my efforts toward educating the millions of people who have been duped into embracing the very things that threaten to ruin them (the millions more who knew exactly what they were voting for are unsalvageable). But I have no idea how to do that in the face of such a powerful indoctrination machine. So instead, I’m embracing those people that want better than this, for themselves and others. Together we just might prevail.

***

Thanks for reading. What started out light got super serious. Kind of a reflection of my life as a whole lately, and I guess of the world at large.

But don’t forget that laughter and joy are a form of resistance, so we need to return to them. Watch or read something you find funny and share it with your inner circle. Get outside, alone or with a loved one, and revel in the sights, sounds, and smells of nature. Hang in.